What I Tell Myself; Rewrite Your Story!

As I begin our Culinary Therapy journey of upcoming events, podcasts and media content, there were so many areas that I felt needed to be addressed in our quest to become better humans in The Universe. The most common thing for me to do was to tell my story of hardships, feelings of unworthiness and low self-love and how I overcame them. I can just hear Aretha Franklins rendition of the gospel song "How I Got Over" playing in my head.

Then I began to ask myself if I've really gotten over? Have I gotten over painful situations, relationships and traumatic childhood experiences? Have I really beat depression, low self-worth and self-love? Have I truly begun to live in the light of happiness, peace and love? I immediately tell myself that I'm fooling myself. I'm still in victim mode! I learned this from my readings of the Warrior Goddess Training by Heatherash Amara. She writes " A story is something we tell ourselves and others to explain why we are the way we are. She says "The story we tell that limit our expression and joy are filled with false beliefs and attachments that really don't serve us." She goes on to ask the question; Is my story causing internal and external drama, or is it bringing me peace and fulfilment?" This is where I learned that what I tell myself is the foreword of MY story and that I need to revisit my inner talk so that I may rewrite my story.

I don't want my story to be a woe-is-me pity party story. I don't want my misfortunes to lead. Instead Im choosing to go on a journey to retell the story in an empowering, strong and inspiring one. When I look back on my life I can truly say that I have overcome so much trauma that I never revisited and most of them I literally blocked out. Some had never been spoken of publicly until today. It's those stories that have been hindering me from moving into this beautiful blossoming of awareness. Well in actuality, it's what I told my inner self about the stories that are the roadblocks to my journey. Let's revisit one such story:

I remember a traumatic childhood experience that really impacted my early feelings of unworthiness and how I cultivated this idea of putting my feeling aside and by not saying things that would hurt others, especially those I loved. I was about 11yrs old and I was sound asleep in my attic bedroom when I felt a presence that made me scared. Although I was always one of those kids that was afraid of the dark, the boogie man, horror movies etc., this was one of those feelings where your gut falls to your feet. I knew something was wrong. I pretended like I was still asleep while turning my head towards the wall and pull the covers up to cover most of my face. I could see a dark form as I was turning through the top of the railing. Sheer terror! I thought that if I pretend to be asleep it would go away. I could feel the presence slowly moving closer to me and I smelled alcohol and musty armpits. I held my breath and he put all his weight on my back, put his knife on the bed, and told me to be quiet or he would kill me and everyone in the house. He then began to rape me. He held my mouth and was saying things like "Keeba I always liked you", "I wish you were mine", and "Please like me". Just as quietly he appeared he slipped back down the attic stairs leaving me terrified and feeling nasty. I recognized this person as my brothers friend who was a menace to the neighborhood for as long as I could remember. He was feared in the neighborhood as treacherous, and very slick or sneaky. My mom always disliked him! I can even recall a time where he came into our house and stole money out my moms purse while it was on the dining room table and my mom was in the kitchen cooking. She just happened to see him coming from the walkway on the side of the house just walking casually and asked her if my brother was home (which he wasn't). My mom looked on the dining room table and saw that someone had been in her purse and stole her money. She immediately knew it was him. That's how slick he was. I was always afraid of him. This just intensified it 1000%. I never told anyone because I not only was scared he would sneak back in to kill me one day but because my family and their family were close. My brothers were best friends with 2 of his brothers and I was friends with his younger sister. I wanted to talk or tell someone about it but I just couldn't put our families through that. I chose them over me. That's why people take advantage of me. I always choose to go over and beyond for others even at the expense of my sanity.

So how do I rewrite this horrible story so I won't carry the burden of feeling resentment that I

always put others before myself. Those very feelings I recognize as the low self-worth or doormat vibes. So in order to address those feelings I need to rewrite the story! Rewriting the story doesn't have to be long and drawn out. I think I would serve this experience better by adopting the "'Less is More' idea to convey strength and empowerment rather than self loathing.

So now let me rewrite the story:

I revel in the journey of getting over the traumatic experience of being molested by a family friend and not revealing it to those that I love, in an attempt to not hurt them. It taught me that as I embodying the essence of Goddess and Divine Femininity I have learned to chose to live in truth regardless of whose feelings are at stake and make myself a priority so that I can properly heal any brokenness it once caused my spirit and mentality

Wow what a difference. As I was telling the first story I went back mentally and seemingly

physically to that night. I began to have tears in my eyes and my back clenched up. But, when I tell the story in a loving way I didn't dismiss the experience but I told it in a more uplifting and inspiring way. My spirit got stronger. I even felt myself lift my head up and I could feel my posture lifting as if to not let my crown slip from my head.

Now I can speak to my inner self each time I tell stories of those life experiences with graciousness and not sadness or despair. What I tell myself every day should be one of gratitude and love. I don't have to give the story, the experience, others views, opinions, actions the power, over my inner-self, I will rewrite my life story.

Talking about your life experiences with someone you trust, elder, life coach or a licensed professional can help you with cultivating your inner voice.

What do you tell yourself? Lets talk about it.